Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Holly Days


Ok-so that's not a picture of holly....sue me.

It's also been in the 60's for the past week...so you know---not exactly a "typical" Christmas--though I guess a "typical" Christmas here would include :

- trees falling in the living room
- someone almost lopping a digit off while cooking
- cats climbing the tree and nearly getting electrocuted
- massive eggnog consumption followed by cursing as waistline increases five-stone
- massive cookie consumption followed by cursing as waistline increases five-more-stone
- decorations being hung on every available nook, cranny, wall and crevice until house bursts with Christmas cheer...no I literally mean BURSTS...

All kidding aside-I'm really excited about this year. We're breaking with tradition. I think our family has held onto alot of tradition, some really fun ones, but some just seem like less tradition and more habit.
When is it time to put aside habit and start new traditions? I think when we realized that panic, depression, and discontent were the 3 side effects of the holidays, we knew it was time for a change. I've seen alot of change within our little family this year. So many things I thought were clad in stone that would NEVER change are abruptly shifting--and I think for the better. Who knows, by next Christmas we MAY have peace on earth.

All I know is, even though we're not perfect, a little baby named Jesus came a couple thousand+ years ago, who grew up and taught us how to love one another perfectly--and we'll always kind of suck at it--but the thing is, at least I see some improvement. And in this family, when I see that perfect love, every now and again--it make me feel like someday there is going to be peace---like someday we're going to be ok.
And I know that Jesus is with us every day, even when we're cursing the tree falling over...he's probably cracking up and just urging us to try hanging the ornaments on the other side so the crooked branches won't show.....haha





Sunday, December 17, 2006

It's not the holidays, 'til someone gets hurt...

I'm visiting at my mom's and as per usual, my mom and sister are arguing...
I love them both immensely, but sometimes I'd like to knock both their blocks together. They have been back and forth for the past hour with no winner. I am half tempted to walk out there and throw the bitey cat into the mix just to see what that would do...ALL that estrogen...hahaha
wow
c'mon guys, can we Puh-lease remember what this season is about? *slaps forehead* oh wait, in our house, Christmas is ALWAYS about fighting, overspending and freaking out....
SOOOO let the games begin!
I fully intend to buy a boxing ring this year and just let them have a go at each other--that way at LEAST they might be sporting, and there'd be no hitting below the belt...

Friday, December 15, 2006

I'm DOOOOOOONE!!!!

So how fun has THIS week been ?
so i had my last final today and had to study and write papers (3 of them---which my teacher gave us one buggering weeks notice about.....lovely) and I've had a neck spasm from the freakish weather we've been having...so I took a muscle relaxer and some painkillers because neither was really helping on their own.
Well--doncha know---suddenly they kicked in together and I was loopy off my arse...so helpful for trying to memorize info on....haha
yeah---by 3:00 in the AM I was drinking kool-aid from the pitcher and had gone thru a whole bag of cheetos, a box of Good N Plentys, and a bunch of sourpatch kids....
I had also managed to write all 3 papers AND paint 2 random and very trippy paintings---at the time, I was mesmerized by how uh....LOUD the colors were......but now they look a bit...bizzare---good times...
I need to ALWAYS study last minute and hepped up on painkillers....I think it should be a requirement....
ugh---I am now incredibly exhausted, (actually falling asleep in chair at work "you wanted your password reset to.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....I mean---sorrry...")
and oddly, I feel a bit sick--
do you think it was something I ate?

Monday, December 11, 2006

Inspiration from Kelly :)


Thanks from Kelly--who got me this at the beach--she told me to decorate it, which I did like months ago, and have only just now got around to posting it for her to see ;) oops...
well--the good news of that is, it's because I was totally inspired by it today after the worst day ever.

So thank you again for the extra shot of courage--somedays I feel a bit like Piglet....on a very blustery day---tossed to and fro...
"Oh d-d-d-d-d-dear..."

Sunday, December 10, 2006

How do you spell STRESS???!! &*@&%@

Ok....I needed a quick break from working on my final projects for school.....
I have made the coooooolest video animation (which I will be uploading to YouTube soon-I'm not proud at all....) and I have also ALMOST completed the webpage for my jewelry..notice the word almost in large text---this is because Adobe GoLive is giving me a rather large pain in my arse and my screen is not large enough to accomodate the 25 windows I have open right now....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!
remind self---only 1 full week, and a day left.....
think happy thoughts....raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens (ACHOOOOO!)
no-scratch that--how about taking a ginormous sledgehammer to this piece of crap and chucking the notion of a decent grade....I'm not holding my breath....
I just want this semester to be OVER!!!!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Back to the "status quo"

I'm finally back to normal--whatever that is...I have a car and I am feeling a bit more like myself...I think I'm relaxing because classes will be over soon---and I gave my presentation yesterday and I didn't die....lol
I still have to take my Art History final, but I'm reallllllly trying not to think about it.

The only REAL hassle is work, but to be honest, as awful as it is, as long as me and my coworkers can be insane together, we'll be ok :)
(misery DOES love company after all--right?)

So anyhow--I finally got a picture of the building with the great writing on it---isn't it nifty? I walk past it every day as I walk home from school. It reminds me why I keep going--besides giving glory to God, I am dedicated to Art, what can I say.....I know I'm a broken record...

Are ya'll sick of Art-talk yet?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The right track:


"When I saw I was under attack from all sides, I knew I was on the right
track."


--Man Ray
Photographer


Somehow...this puts things into perspective.

thinking too much...


I apologize for the scattered…deep…gloomy—weirdness….I got to thinking today at work….(always dangerous) and just wrote in a stream of thought (I know it’s stream of consciousness---but I like stream of thought better…)
So anyhooo—I started thinking about how art makes us remember and helps us heal—and well……blah…
Is it possible that I am so troubled with my experience with art right now because the part of my brain which is now required to operate in order to create works of art, and maintain that level of creativity is also the part of my brain which controls memories, be they pleasant or painful---frightening or traumatic….
I fear that my dream may also lead to my nightmare…
My hope may be my downfall….
I know that God would not lead me back to this place to leave me alone….
It’s strange that school seems so familiar, yet not if it is the very place that is leading me to tap into my innermost pain….how bizarre and yet amazing….
I almost feel like fleeing…but yet I feel that I cannot because this is my chance to embrace freedom….I wonder if this is what all of the artists of old have faced---the desire to create, and the fear of what they would inevitably unlock….the demons which creating in the right brain would lead them to discover….ironic how when you have been driven mad you are said to not be in your “right mind” but when I am on a tangent, I am almost sure to be in my right brain…..
Is it better to create and be haunted, or to forgo it and lead a peaceful existence? Is that truly peace-or a meaningless existence...

Ok….not too depressing for this festive holiday season….

Friday, December 01, 2006

On the first day of December...



Oy to the World....
It's 68 buggering degrees outside!
I woke up this AM in a sweat, and realized I had left the spaceheater from when it was cold---and now...my room is as hot the 3rd ring of hell.....
Not that I've ever been to the 3rd ring of hell...just sayin, if there is one--it would pretty much feel this hot...
Anyhow...I've been seriously procrastinating this week-what with the car stuff and all that has entailed...I have gotten a wee bit behind in schoolwork...ugh
I need another vacation :)
Thank God it's December--only 17 more days of class 'til winter break!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

My first piece of art in the Corcoran!


Ok--so it's not being shown in the gallery...but it's up for the other students to see---and THAT's bragging rights! My "shop" teacher picked one of my pieces to go on display--it even has a little plastic plaque below it with my name on it :)
*Sigh*
I'm so ready to cry....I mean--I'm not even dead and my stuff is on display...lol
so I'm going to keep putting stuff up here for our ladies abroad so that it'll be like you're right in the city at the gallery :)

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Big Red (aka Saturnine) R.I.P.


Lets all take a moment to remember a beautiful car named Red....she was a good girl. She hauled alot of crap. She drove me to work, school, home, and on many exciting excursions.... We laughed together...we cried together We duct-taped her back together when I accidentally drove her up on a sidewalk (sorry Red...) So let's have a moment of silence and hold hands....and play Taps for the best damn car this gal has ever known...(and believe you me...I've known a few....this is # 3 for me....perhaps it's time for a tank...)

I'll miss your steering wheel....the pretty pictures I drew and the stickers on the bumper.... Oh Red....Porque moriste?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

tHe nonSenSe of my art

I'm an artist.
I realized that as I was sitting on the metro with my newly bleached hair, and crazy clothes color combo (take THAT alliterations!) reading Mojo....nobody really looks at me funny anymore, and if they do, I'm not sure I either notice or care...I think I've finally embraced the artist within, who creates not with the reckless abandon of before--but with careful consideration of composition and form.
I look at what I want to make as a challenge, and each piece fulfills a definite purpose--telling a story, venting a feeling, frustration--letting go of a hurt, or opening a window to happiness.

I've been able to describe through my art-things I could NEVER (there--I used that word....hahaha) say out loud. I've been able to scream without opening my mouth; fly without leaving my room, and repair heartache without having to deal with more shrinks :)
(I have to love that about art---Art therapy--it's the best :P)

So anyhow--even if I never become famous, I guess I'm content with sitting in my room from time to time making murky masterpieces that maybe mean something to me only-
I create to express my joy, I'm not always happy, but I have found joy in my new life-my second chance on this earth and I feel compelled to put that out there for the universe to do with it what it will--joy isn't always pretty, or happy or nice--it reflects a journey...and so I'm beginning to be less hard on myself to creat the "perfect" painting or design--
I won't ever be a Renoir or a Monet, or even a Dali....but I'll be a Rockwell.... :)

Monday, November 13, 2006

Always, Never....


I find myself using superlatives superfluously--especially of late.
Example: "I will never get into school" has now become, "I will never get out of school."
or the ever popular--"This always happens to me!" when I have a crummy day.
I have also found myself falling into the trap of using superlatives as a statement of fact-an obvious fallacy. I also rule out potentialities with a simple flick of the tongue.
How powerful is the broad brush NEVER-and how inclusive, but inaccurate the reach of ALWAYS. I really must learn to use them more carefully.
It reminds me of part of the book, The Phantom Tollbooth-where the main character Milo went to a kingdom in which the king had him eat his words. He misunderstood the instructions and gave a lenghty and boring speech because he thought that the more important the words, the better they would taste. Then the king got up and spoke all sorts of delicacies, which he then ate. Needless to say, Milo's words were bland and worthless--and no matter how grand did him no good...

I suppose the two aren't really related...I'm a bit tired. I think I need to go back and read that book again--or watch the goofy 70's version...it's hilarious-it goes from regular movie to cartoon, to movie again...and has really corny songs---it's a classic. Run, don't walk to a video rental store and get it to show to a 10 year old you know--it'll educate them about proper verb-subject agreement-so important in these troubled times.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Emy GOT Inked!!!!




Oh Yeah! I got my Tatt on Saturday....and not only does it have treemendous significance (not a typo--my tattoo is a dogwood...) but I got to design it myself.
Happy day.
PLUS--I got to have 3 of my bestest friends around to complete the joy of the experience--

Background on the significance:
1. The Dogwood signifies Christ on the cross--the cross shape and the red blood on the 4 edges. My symbol of rebirth.
2. The Dogwood is my grand mother's favorite flower-and I think it's our birthmonth flower...not sure--must check.
3. The Dogwood tree ties in with one of my first memories--climbing trees with my best friend from childhood. I loved climbing trees-and naming them and actually pretty much anything out-of-doors when I was growing up. So it's a return to my "roots"
4. The Dogwood is the first flower to bloom in spring, and I was born on the first day of spring :)
5. The Dogwood is pretty-and I like it :)

Friday, November 03, 2006

Frigidity And Coldness In The District

It is a cold day in the land of the freezing and the home of the brazen...
I am acutely aware that I left all of my mittens and gloves at my mom's house where they will do me no good....and my nose was a cheery cherry red when I got on the metro this AM--I could have provided alternate light for the tunnels...argh

I'm starting to rethink my love of all things wintery---perhaps when I get home and make some cocoa and bake some cookies all will return to normal-as I remember that cocoa is not half as good coming in from a 70 degree day as it is from a 30 degree day...
Does this make me sadistic?

Also-in a sidenote, I've begun reading Thomas More's Utopia on the Metro...the irony does not escape me as I am in a complete anti-Utopia riding with strangers who would rather push an old lady down than give her a seat...

Thomas More writes about a society which puts the needs of all above the needs of self, but which also prizes taking care of self--it's beautiful without being sappy. He also speaks out against a govenrment which would make people serve and pay without getting anything in return, maiking them poorer-and then punish them for not being able to pay....it's such a vicious cycle, but one which we accept so blindly.
The Utopians try to avoid war, but if they have to fight, they try to stir up so much dissent within a country that it implodes on itself that they needent ever actually ever go to battle-and no one need die---they use strategy, not warfare to fight...it's brilliant.
They also value the mind, not riches--gold is used to lock up prisoners, so that it is cursed and when they need to trade, no one minds parting with it....wow

I'm impressed.
I want to move there.
So I don't know how winter reminded me of the book---except that I was reading it this morning trying not to think of how very cold I was...

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

This IS Halloween!

Reasons I love Halloween:


  • Candy Corn.
  • Any candy :o)
  • Crazy Costumes.
  • People staring at me while I'm driving in my car singing while wearing a Crazy Costume.
  • Watching OTHER people in cars sing while wearing Crazy Costumes.
  • The idea that for one perfect night, people can go to complete strangers' houses, shout utter nonsense and be rewarded with candy.
  • Carving Pumpkins (and by the way--if you see my house lit with a strange orange glow past Thanksgiving--call my sponsor).
  • Decorating my bosses offices with spiderwebs, skulls with headsets, blood dripping on the moniters, and spiders on the keyboards--then leaving scary messages on their voicemails...Priceless :> (they loved it!)
  • The crisp chill in the air and the glow of the moon.
  • Scary music.
  • Scary movies.....hehehe.
  • It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown! I don't care HOW old I get--Linus is still the coolest cat in town-and I never get tired of Schroeder playing those tunes on the piano--and well, poor Chuck, if he could just get the ball away from Lucy and pelt it at her head...well--then there would be no movie I guess...
  • Bats. Pretty much cool all year 'round for their sonar and nifty wings, but definitely get their due on Halloween. ^~"~^
  • Black Cats. Also cool all year 'round--but definitely much cooler on Halloween.
  • The start of the "holiday season". Ah yes, this kicks off the Halloweethanksgivichristmas season--my favorite. Lets allllll take a BIG breath-relax and say a prayer for all those working retail this season.

So anyhoo--HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! AAAND--if you get the chance, go see Nightmare Before Christmas in 3-D It's a fabulous way to celebrate Halloween and this festive season :)

Friday, October 27, 2006

Turning Down the Sound


Over the past few weeks I have been increasingly stressed. Those of you who have been around--say within a 300 mile radius have perhaps heard me screaming at the top of my lungs after getting yet another overdraft charge, or over the next test/project/metro SNAFU....
It's like my thoughts have been in a blender---on puree--loud and scrambled up.
I have needed a respite.
SO last Sunday I went to DC, Georgetown and into VA to a pumpkin patch...I had to get out and do something. Turns out that was just what I needed.
As I was driving home that night-I had my music playing loudly, and I had to turn it down because it was starting to give me a headache. And then came the epiphany: I found that when I turned the sound down, I could actually hear the music better--I could really listen to the words--and appreciate them because I wasn't just trying to drown out my thoughts.

Sometimes volume has nothing to do with sound--it has to do with quantity--the quantity you can cram into your head, or the the quantity you should cram into your life--volume does not=quality.


So kiddies--that's my lesson for the week--go have fun!
And come check out my movie tomorrow night at 5:00!!
FCF Film Site

*biting nails feverishly*

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

SPOT THE NIMROD!

And Now For Todays Fun game...

SPOT THE NIMROD!

Ok folks...here's how you play:
1. Begin a thorough search of outlying areas (or for those of you who live near idiots dolts and other forms of ill-bred pestilant life [Miss Kath---the toilet paper smokers jussst might fall into this category] --right in your own backyard)... and SPOT THE NIMROD!

2. Once the Nimrod has been spotted in his/her natural habitat, try not to upset it...as it is a feeble and stupid creature, prone to violent outbursts, significant ramblings about insignificant rubbish that may or may not have any basis in reality, but does however make for an interesting viewing, so take snacks and a folding chair to keep yourself comfy in case the Nimrod becomes highly animated--thus creating a Spectacle of itself.

3. Provoke the Nimrod. Drive the speed limit in the correct lane, do your job correctly, and above ALL appear to enjoy doing your tasks with efficiency and profiency--this wil unnerve the Nimrod and provoke it out of it's lair.

4. After you have encountered a Nimrod-remember, it is a delicate part of our ecosystem, and should be treated with the proper respect of all our protected species-regardless of how irritating, or bothersome it is.
Nimrods are everywhere but if we educate them...they might just go extinct!

(Sidenote: Do not feed the Nimrod--as it used to a delicate diet---it may be tempting to give it a taste of it's own medicine....but try to hold back...)

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Helldesk

So I'm ready to scream.... The powers that be at my job, or rather in the political fiefdom above those who run my job, have decided that ANOTHER software upgrade is in order for us….you kiddies know what that means. More calls for the Helldesk. I think I’m ready to call it quits…. I also had a most interesting conversation with my supervisor today.

Supervisor: You’re late-it’s 11:00
Me: I’m on the schedule at 11:00
Supervisor: Not according to the NEW schedule
Me: When was this “alleged” schedule posted?
Supervisor: Yesterday-don’t you check the schedule every day?
Me: I try to…but I mean…if I don’t get a chance to, I assume that it was what I saw it as when I left the day before.
Supervisor: Well-that’s where you made your error—by assuming.
Me: Well gee-thanks for clarifying…I feel MUCH better

I’d like to follow this up by saying that I love my supervisor---typically we are tight…but today I was ready to drop kick her and all traces of the Helpdesk into the Potomac River...
Richmond’s decision to transfer us over to a new system NOW, in the middle of a semester has left us all in a lurch—if they had just bought this software initially, this whole SNAFU never would have happened.
BUT NOOOOOO…they’re the worlds most inefficient department, run by people who are so apparently splashing in the shallow end of the gene pool…in fact—I fear that without the aid of water wings, they might drown, which would be a great service to all of us—especially the irate customers who expect a system to be up and running while school is in session.
Of course you know who they blame.
Customer support.

God Bless VCCS.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Emy gets inked

So I've been trying to decide for the past coupla years (and I suppose this should be an indication of my level of commitment) if I want to get a tattoo, and if so, what I will get tattooed on myself. I think it's a relatively permanant decision and like any relatively permanant decision requires thought, research, and planning. Ok, now all the fun has gone from it, right? I mean--where is that sponteneity of getting drunk on vacation and getting a bad back tattoo, or getting drunk on a date and tattooing a guys name on your butt--yeah---those ALWAYS work out.
So instead I decided to ponder forever rather than ever actually getting near a needle.

But the time has come (as the walrus said) for serious (I mean it) thought to go into this. I've decided to get a tattoo this month when my friend Haejo gets back from Brazil. She and I have been talking about getting tatt's together for awhile....I know--belaboring this...but I want to commemorate a few occasions--Independance, Education, Renewal, Rebirth, Restoration....there is such a long list---so how do you sum that up in a single ink mark on your body? I could put a collage on my whole back, but
A. Don't want to cover my back with ink
B. Can't afford it :)
so any input would be great---I'm gonna post some pix in a coupla days---some ideas....otherwise it's gonna be I <3>


Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Ugh...Flu

Ugh...
This is not a cheery blog today, as I'm stuck in bed--nursing the flu...
I find myself wishing I was home, about 7 years old with my mom making Jell-o for me. She used to make it in these little teddy-bear molds, and frankly to this day Jell-o just doesn't taste the same unless it's in a teddy-bear mold.
So in between sleepy stuper and tylenol trying to ease my body aches...I have watched some really good movies that I thought I'd review on one.
So here goes:
I have seen Rushmore more times than I can count--but every time I watch it, I find a new nuance I hadn't noticed before. Rushmore (for those of you who have not seen it) is a movie directed by Wes Anderson--a film genius. It stars a young Jason Silverman in his first movie role (he's extroardinary) Bill Murray, Olivia Williams and Luke Wilson.
Rushmore delves into the life of Max Fischer, a 15 year-old boy who is more interested in forming activities at school than suceeding academically. He was accepted to Rushmore Academy as a boy (a very wealthy and exclusive boys school) on a scholarship and feels that it is his crowning acheivement, and the peak of his existance
As the movie unfolds, Max discoveres there is a world outside of Rushmore where his ability to think creatively is accepted, and where he is also able to connect with his peers as he truly is.
It's a masterful movie-not only in it's story, but in how Wes Anderson thought out every detail of the set, the scene changes and of very intricate character development. After watching one of his films, one feels at once both connected with oneself and a bit nostalgic-almost as though something has passed.
Beyond the depth of the movie, it's just fun to watch because as the movie plays out, it has the most fantastic
soundtrack with songs from Cat Stevens, The Who and The Kinks...it just makes me happy...and that can't be bad....especially when I'm up to my eyeballs in tissues, antihistamines and gatorade.
My kingdom for some Jell-o....

Saturday, September 23, 2006

A Deeper Drive

So I'm gonna wax philisophical-anyone who gets easily offended by talk of the spiritual---well, maybe this is for you.
I was driving to school on Friday, and the traffic was wretched...as it typically is headed towards DC at 6:30 in the AM...
I was feeling a bit grumpy, and could sense a general tension in the cars about me (as is also typical).

Except when I looked in my rearview mirror. The guy behind me was grinning from ear to ear-sort of nodding his head, but not like he was listening to music--it was the weirdest thing. I HAD to know what was up. He began talking and smiling and laughing, and I finally spotted a child strapped into a carseat in the back.
And then I had this thought.
(a thought you say...)
If the mere presence of this kid, just a kid in the middle of crummy traffic, angry drivers, accidents, and construction could give this man joy--how much more do we, JUST by our presence--our conversation, our relationship (as flawed and humble human beings) offer joy to God's heart in spite of a corrupt and sinful world.
Sometimes it's easy to feel like we can do nothing in this world--like there is absolutely no way to positively effect change in a world that has famine, disease, and genocide---but if for a moment we can offer our presence back to the Creator--who sees the pain, the hopelessness--we can give Him joy too-and continue carrying on, doing the work we are meant to--with a joy that is mirrored back.
I don't believe you can carry on without joy. I think so many people lose their bliss, their joy their spirit and continue on with merely a shell-and that is how they become numb to the world around them, and how they are beaten down by the world around them.
Joy doesn't mean happiness-but it means not becoming disheartened when life becomes difficult---it means sharing your sorrows rather then trying to bear them alone--it means also sharing bliss. There's no formula...just living like the guy in the car--looking ahead at the traffic--aware of the world enough to sense danger--but also being aware that he was unable to change it, unable to move it, and in that moment--the converation with his little boy was all that really mattered.
That's joy.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

More Nonsense


Allriiiiight...after much prodding by Kath, I have caved to the pressure to bore you with more of the mundane and monochromatic minutia of my everyday.

Actually--things seem pretty exciting from this side of the drawing board....but that's only because it's my adventure, and getting lost in DC every other day can be heart-pounding (and terrifying) but has it's brilliant rewards when I FINALLY see those beautiful red letters---CORCORAN....I know Shakespeare said"What's in a name, that which we call a rose by other name would smell as sweet"...I suppose that's right-

If it was called SNOTGRASS or GRISTMILL , or even FITNY...lol
it wouldn't sound the same to my biased ears....I'm so enamored of this school and this experience-

Every day I change my mind about my major...which I'm told is quite normal...but seriously--On monday I had Graphic Design, and I SWEAR I wanted to be a designer--Adobe CS2 is SO hot! (Note to Adobe: I'm more than happy to sell out and do promotional spots for your product if you'll send me free merchandise....really....)

Then today we had Photography....and naturally I'm ready to move to Belize or Morocco and take pictures in exotic locales.....fun, fun :)
And when I have my Resources (shop) class...I am SO ready to move out to the country and be a carpenter....so you see my conundrum.

Anyhoo...my art persona crisis aside--I really have solidified my existance as a single unit again--it makes me so happy to be alone, and I think I had forgotten that amidst the drama of a relationship.... I feel lke I have regained my independance---like if I wanna go see a movie by myself in the middle of the day and laugh through the whole thing...I can...or if I just feel like calling up a friend and having a girls night---I can totally do that too....FREEDOM...Own it.

I guess I put too much importance on another person--I guess we ALL put too much importance on other people and their significance in our life. We do need other people-and their fellowship, but if their opinion begins to reign supreme, or tread over our own better judgement or that which we know is inherently true....the minute we begin to question ourselves is the minute we should question the validity of another person and their opinion.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Little Miss Sunshine

So....Little Miss Sunshine ---Saw it with a certain Ms. Kath on Friday night---and it freaking changed my life.... I saw it a total of 3 times this weekend-- I dunno if it's my dysfunctional (but lovable) family, my recent breakup, or my constant emotional instability...(I keeed) but something about that movie really resonated with me- actually I think it's just a really well written movie with beautifully developed characters who, from the first moment of the movie capture your attention and captivate you. You cannot help but be drawn into their world and cheer for them--crying as they cry, laughing as they go ambling down the road in their (may I say) gorgeous vintage Volkswagen van.
Watching a family fraught with individual pain and problems pull together for the sake of their most vulnerable and innocent member--putting aside their grievances--but not in a sappy Hallmark, rosy-make-you-want-to-gag-way....no... this movie in no way sugar-coats that delicate insanity that ensues when you force a group of people who have absolutely nothing in common save for genetics into a confined moving vehicle for a fixed amount of time. What are we thinking-at holidays for instance? We believe that magically somehow all of the bumps and indequacies that the people we are related to will disappear for one day because of a number on a calendar.
This movie does for some of us what years of therapy have failed at. It shows us that our families ARE crazy---BUT that there is a modicem of madness in all families and something worthwhile to that-something valuable to those differences-and the sufferings.
As Frank says to Dwayne "These are your prime suffering years." you really do learn from your family how to assimilate into a strange and bizzare (and sometimes harsh) society. And if you can survive that, you're golden. And if you can find friends to walk through it, you're bumped up to a platinum member with wings...haha

Saturday, September 02, 2006

My First Blog

Hola amigas y amigos!
thought I'd take a stab at blogging in the new millenia...
got alot on my mind with art school/work/and wacky relationships gone awry....
so how better to vent than with friends and perfect strangers....
so yeah...on the subject of love...
I've realized that is better to have loved and lost than never to have tried to make and ass of ones self. That said, feel like a total dork and will be staying away from the dating cesspool for awhile...
I know that those of my friends who know me and how I tend to dive off the deep end with my emotions--I'm a quirky sort of girl...I can't help it (but you love me for it :)
oh well--at least I'm putting myself back out there right? ugh...
so yeah...the "perfect" guy...not so perfect---granted...I'm not the perfect girl...but with time and some plastic surgery (cringe) who knows....
I'm laughing inside.
Really.
But I've realized that if you never take a chance, you never learn things about yourself, like the amount of tolerance for other peoples criticism...and how maybe you knew exaclty what you wanted, but you never thought about what you didn't want in a relationship....those things are important.
People ought to know themselves really well before they start figuring other people out.
and as Polonius tells Laertes in Hamlet--"To thine own self be true."
I need to be better about that.