Ugh...Flu

Ugh...
This is not a cheery blog today, as I'm stuck in bed--nursing the flu...
I find myself wishing I was home, about 7 years old with my mom making Jell-o for me. She used to make it in these little teddy-bear molds, and frankly to this day Jell-o just doesn't taste the same unless it's in a teddy-bear mold.
So in between sleepy stuper and tylenol trying to ease my body aches...I have watched some really good movies that I thought I'd review on one.
So here goes:
I have seen Rushmore more times than I can count--but every time I watch it, I find a new nuance I hadn't noticed before. Rushmore (for those of you who have not seen it) is a movie directed by Wes Anderson--a film genius. It stars a young Jason Silverman in his first movie role (he's extroardinary) Bill Murray, Olivia Williams and Luke Wilson.
Rushmore delves into the life of Max Fischer, a 15 year-old boy who is more interested in forming activities at school than suceeding academically. He was accepted to Rushmore Academy as a boy (a very wealthy and exclusive boys school) on a scholarship and feels that it is his crowning acheivement, and the peak of his existance
As the movie unfolds, Max discoveres there is a world outside of Rushmore where his ability to think creatively is accepted, and where he is also able to connect with his peers as he truly is.
It's a masterful movie-not only in it's story, but in how Wes Anderson thought out every detail of the set, the scene changes and of very intricate character development. After watching one of his films, one feels at once both connected with oneself and a bit nostalgic-almost as though something has passed.
Beyond the depth of the movie, it's just fun to watch because as the movie plays out, it has the most fantastic soundtrack with songs from Cat Stevens, The Who and The Kinks...it just makes me happy...and that can't be bad....especially when I'm up to my eyeballs in tissues, antihistamines and gatorade.
My kingdom for some Jell-o....

A Deeper Drive

So I'm gonna wax philisophical-anyone who gets easily offended by talk of the spiritual---well, maybe this is for you.
I was driving to school on Friday, and the traffic was wretched...as it typically is headed towards DC at 6:30 in the AM...
I was feeling a bit grumpy, and could sense a general tension in the cars about me (as is also typical).

Except when I looked in my rearview mirror. The guy behind me was grinning from ear to ear-sort of nodding his head, but not like he was listening to music--it was the weirdest thing. I HAD to know what was up. He began talking and smiling and laughing, and I finally spotted a child strapped into a carseat in the back.
And then I had this thought.
(a thought you say...)
If the mere presence of this kid, just a kid in the middle of crummy traffic, angry drivers, accidents, and construction could give this man joy--how much more do we, JUST by our presence--our conversation, our relationship (as flawed and humble human beings) offer joy to God's heart in spite of a corrupt and sinful world.
Sometimes it's easy to feel like we can do nothing in this world--like there is absolutely no way to positively effect change in a world that has famine, disease, and genocide---but if for a moment we can offer our presence back to the Creator--who sees the pain, the hopelessness--we can give Him joy too-and continue carrying on, doing the work we are meant to--with a joy that is mirrored back.
I don't believe you can carry on without joy. I think so many people lose their bliss, their joy their spirit and continue on with merely a shell-and that is how they become numb to the world around them, and how they are beaten down by the world around them.
Joy doesn't mean happiness-but it means not becoming disheartened when life becomes difficult---it means sharing your sorrows rather then trying to bear them alone--it means also sharing bliss. There's no formula...just living like the guy in the car--looking ahead at the traffic--aware of the world enough to sense danger--but also being aware that he was unable to change it, unable to move it, and in that moment--the converation with his little boy was all that really mattered.
That's joy.

More Nonsense

Allriiiiight...after much prodding by Kath, I have caved to the pressure to bore you with more of the mundane and monochromatic minutia of my everyday.

Actually--things seem pretty exciting from this side of the drawing board....but that's only because it's my adventure, and getting lost in DC every other day can be heart-pounding (and terrifying) but has it's brilliant rewards when I FINALLY see those beautiful red letters---CORCORAN....I know Shakespeare said"What's in a name, that which we call a rose by other name would smell as sweet"...I suppose that's right-

If it was called SNOTGRASS or GRISTMILL , or even FITNY...lol
it wouldn't sound the same to my biased ears....I'm so enamored of this school and this experience-

Every day I change my mind about my major...which I'm told is quite normal...but seriously--On monday I had Graphic Design, and I SWEAR I wanted to be a designer--Adobe CS2 is SO hot! (Note to Adobe: I'm more than happy to sell out and do promotional spots for your product if you'll send me free merchandise....really....)
Then today we had Photography....and naturally I'm ready to move to Belize or Morocco and take pictures in exotic locales.....fun, fun :)
And when I have my Resources (shop) class...I am SO ready to move out to the country and be a carpenter....so you see my conundrum.

Anyhoo...my art persona crisis aside--I really have solidified my existance as a single unit again--it makes me so happy to be alone, and I think I had forgotten that amidst the drama of a relationship.... I feel lke I have regained my independance---like if I wanna go see a movie by myself in the middle of the day and laugh through the whole thing...I can...or if I just feel like calling up a friend and having a girls night---I can totally do that too....FREEDOM...Own it.
I guess I put too much importance on another person--I guess we ALL put too much importance on other people and their significance in our life. We do need other people-and their fellowship, but if their opinion begins to reign supreme, or tread over our own better judgement or that which we know is inherently true....the minute we begin to question ourselves is the minute we should question the validity of another person and their opinion.

Little Miss Sunshine

So....Little Miss Sunshine ---Saw it with a certain Ms. Kath on Friday night---and it freaking changed my life.... I saw it a total of 3 times this weekend-- I dunno if it's my dysfunctional (but lovable) family, my recent breakup, or my constant emotional instability...(I keeed) but something about that movie really resonated with me- actually I think it's just a really well written movie with beautifully developed characters who, from the first moment of the movie capture your attention and captivate you. You cannot help but be drawn into their world and cheer for them--crying as they cry, laughing as they go ambling down the road in their (may I say) gorgeous vintage Volkswagen van.
Watching a family fraught with individual pain and problems pull together for the sake of their most vulnerable and innocent member--putting aside their grievances--but not in a sappy Hallmark, rosy-make-you-want-to-gag-way....no... this movie in no way sugar-coats that delicate insanity that ensues when you force a group of people who have absolutely nothing in common save for genetics into a confined moving vehicle for a fixed amount of time. What are we thinking-at holidays for instance? We believe that magically somehow all of the bumps and indequacies that the people we are related to will disappear for one day because of a number on a calendar.
This movie does for some of us what years of therapy have failed at. It shows us that our families ARE crazy---BUT that there is a modicem of madness in all families and something worthwhile to that-something valuable to those differences-and the sufferings.
As Frank says to Dwayne "These are your prime suffering years." you really do learn from your family how to assimilate into a strange and bizzare (and sometimes harsh) society. And if you can survive that, you're golden. And if you can find friends to walk through it, you're bumped up to a platinum member with wings...haha

My First Blog

Hola amigas y amigos!
thought I'd take a stab at blogging in the new millenia...
got alot on my mind with art school/work/and wacky relationships gone awry....
so how better to vent than with friends and perfect strangers....
so yeah...on the subject of love...
I've realized that is better to have loved and lost than never to have tried to make and ass of ones self. That said, feel like a total dork and will be staying away from the dating cesspool for awhile...
I know that those of my friends who know me and how I tend to dive off the deep end with my emotions--I'm a quirky sort of girl...I can't help it (but you love me for it :)
oh well--at least I'm putting myself back out there right? ugh...
so yeah...the "perfect" guy...not so perfect---granted...I'm not the perfect girl...but with time and some plastic surgery (cringe) who knows....
I'm laughing inside.
Really.
But I've realized that if you never take a chance, you never learn things about yourself, like the amount of tolerance for other peoples criticism...and how maybe you knew exaclty what you wanted, but you never thought about what you didn't want in a relationship....those things are important.
People ought to know themselves really well before they start figuring other people out.
and as Polonius tells Laertes in Hamlet--"To thine own self be true."
I need to be better about that.