Wednesday, April 29, 2009

On Auto Pilot


Feed information in.
Paper spits out.
Inventory, data, spreadsheet, log, blog, blah.
I feel so much time is spent on mundanity and ordinary office work that my mind no longer functions as it used to.
I used to think in color--technicolor in fact.
It had swirls and flourishes-large canvasas splashed with flashy color and shape.
Now my brain works in charts and graphs-working to solve simple problems, mathematically. Solutions to other peoples problems are calculated with almost robotic force. I don't feel it.
I want to run inside my brain with gesso and cover the ordinary so I can start over. Tabula Rasa.
Then begin the repainting.
throw a little orange down--splatter a little pink and green and swirl some green.
There's so much canvas! I can't stop there! Why not put a few lines of yellow...oooh...now some blue....deeep blue.
I sound crazy.
But when was the last time I painted?
When was the last time I did something random and unnecessary just for the sake of doing it?
Everything seems so planned now.
It's written and documented--labeled and scheduled.
Why does everything have to be so sterile?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Wagon's Ho!


I never wanna drink again.
Like ever.
Great way to start my first blog in forever.
I feel like I swallowed a great white whale and it is now flipping over in my stomach....uh--there it goes....

I know I have made the resolution never to make resolutions--but I think I'm resolved now that I have to resolve to make the resolution to stop drinking, resolutely.
yeah.
SO--if you see me with another f-ing shot in my hand, you have my permission to smack me upside the head. Hard if necessary.

On the plus side; I think I lost at least 5 pounds in puke last night, and with the recession in full swing-I should save a ton not drinking. Now if I could just quit smoking.....

One vice at a time.